When Mother’s Day is Hard

Dear precious soul,

I witness you in this time that can feel so triggering and hard on a deep, guttural level. As we near Mother’s Day, and the Summer Season in the Northern Hemisphere, which is the season most closely tied to the feminine archetype of mother, a lot can be brought to the surface for those of us doing deep, wild mother healing work around the Mother energy or lack there of in our lives. Mother’s Day, while a celebration for some, can feel like a harsh reminder to others. This reminder can come in so many forms from healing in our grief from the loss of a mother or mothering figure in our lives, grieving our relationship to our own mother, our own relationship with our children, pregnancy, infant/child loss, infertility, feeling disconnected from the divine mother, or the awareness of the presence of shadow mother in ourselves.

Healing my mother wound has been my own journey and is ongoing. We all have our own story to tell. I have not lost my mother, but have stood on the sidelines watching as my husband grieves his (yes grief isn’t linear either). I witness the waves of grief wash over at the moments you least expect and feel them in my own way too. Every milestone, birthday, celebration, Mother’s Day, an unspoken “I wish my mom was still here.” It’s deeply felt and I witness you if this is a story like yours as well.

I have a pretty amazing mom, and I have been humbled by her humanness, which ultimately reminds me of my own humanness. There are still aspects of our relationship that I grieve. Moments where we have not been able to fully see and know one another on a deep level. Aspects of the mother-daughter relationship that are always evolving. And now, having come into my own motherhood journey over the past 10 years to two daughters, realizing where she was doing her absolute best. Learning that holding yourself while mothering another is no easy feat. Feeling the depth of your own wounds while as Oriah Mountain Dreamer quotes in her poem The Invitation, “get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.” Motherhood is one of the most brutiful devotional paths. An ultimate spiritual journey.

I am no stranger to grief. I have known the pain of pregnancy loss through a miscarriage of our baby Story at 8 weeks. It is a searing loss that never leaves you. While I went on to have a rainbow baby, the loss of Story will forever be etched in my heart as it fundamentally changed the way I know grief. It has given me a deeper understanding and compassion that the journey to motherhood and Mother’s Day are not always easy. To read or listen to our miscarriage story you can do so by clicking to read HERE or listen HERE. For other resources to support you or a friend navigating a pregnancy loss please connect with my friend Shannon and her beautiful community at Miscarriage Warrior. I have not personally experienced infertility, but honor so many have. I witness you here as well.

When you feel you haven’t been nurtured in the way you long to or perhaps you feel forgotten by the universe or God because you’ve lost those you love and it feels unfair, it can leave you feeling an overall disconnection from the Divine Mother or living in your own shadow mother. It’s taken me years to reconnect with the energy of the Divine Mother and to even begin to understand her healing love and grace. Growing up in the Christian Faith there was not much discussion about the Divine Mother or Sacred Feminine. Only this big Father God in the sky, which could only go so far. I craved more and I have spent the past few years healing my relationship with the Divine Mother. These are words that came to me a couple of years ago about who Divine Mother is and what she is here to help us heal:

I am divine mother

I am strong and soft at the same time

I love with my entire being

My heart is open

I radiate golden rose light

Ombré

Light bringer, light bender, light creator

The light elevates from the shadows with love

Divine love

Surrender, fierce love and trust

I am curious and playful 

I dance with life

I am creatrix, I am life itself

Expansive, integrated, whole

I know my worth 

I am abundant 

On the other end of the Divine Mother, the Shadow Mother has so much to teach you about turning back to love. She is not wrong or bad, she only wants to dance with you too. She wants to help you integrate the light and the dark. When you keep her in the shadows, she wreaks havoc on your peace. When you acknowledge her and reassure her however, you can move from shadow to light. The Shadow Mother can look many different ways, but is often most prominent when you are feeling like the martyr, grasping for control, becoming overly involved in other people’s problems, feeling deeply unworthy or not enough, becoming over-identified with your roles, harsh self talk, worrying heavily about what others will think, or struggling to relax and let go.

May the shadow mother remind you to…

Let love lead

Let it fill you up

Stay grounded in it

Don't block it's flow

Let the Mother within, your own internal wild mother goddess, guide you.

She is the one that loves you wild and fierce.

Let her be your healer.

Let her lead you to the seat of your soul.

She will sit with you there.

She will guide you to your essence.

She will show you the magic.

For you are my dear, the magic that you seek.

So often, we cut ourselves off from the mother within.

We live within the wound of the mother.

How do we change this flow?

We Heal.

We heal and remove our injuries through loving ourselves deeply.

Wildly.

We heal our relationship to Mother.

Not just our birth mothers, but more importantly to ourselves.

The Mother Within.

We mend our inner nurturer if she has been wounded.

Maybe somewhere along the way someone told you or showed you that you weren't worthy of the love and care you do in fact deserve. Maybe you ingested unhealed family dynamics or generational trauma and took that as your fate, your truth.

Maybe you have thrown yourself into the roles you play and have longed for and it feels wrong or you feel guilty to admit your unhappiness. Maybe you carry shame, guilt, or trauma that is heavy and impossible to carry. Maybe you feel deeply and some of what you carry isn't even yours. Maybe it's time to let yourself vision and dream for a life that feels true and beautiful to you and to have the confidence and support to go after it. Not in hustle, but in flow.

Can you live in the energy of the life you desire to create?

Can you shed old skins and allow new creation to be birthed?

Can you let your inner mother soothe and nurture the most true and beautiful parts of yourself?

May you allow the hard of Mother’s Day to open you to a deeper healing and understanding of your own heart.

With deep love and grace,